British Car Humor

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pistolenschutze, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. ::::::hiding in bunker after Tranter reads these:::::: :D;):p

    Q: Know why the British don't make computers?
    A: They couldn't figure out how to make them leak oil!

    Q: What do you call an MG with dual exhaust?
    A: A Wheelbarrow!

    Q: How do you double the value of a Triumph?
    A: Fill it up with gas!

    Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
    A: Because the all have Lucus refrigerators. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
    -name withheld by request

    Q: What are the two questions you hear most from the passenger in your MGBGT?
    A: 1. Is it HOT in here?
    2. Do you smell gas?

    Q: When does a man open the door of the car for his wife?
    A.When he has a new car.
    B.When he has a new wife.

    Little Billy and his Dad were down at the autocross watching the Spitfires zipping through the cones.
    Little Billy looks up to his Dad and says, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a Spitfire driver."
    His Dad looks down at him and says, "You can't do both, son."

    For those of you who have never had the pleasure of owning a British car, but want to know what it's like: Next big rainstorm, wait till dark, roll down all windows, leave off lights & heater & wipers and go for a drive. Stop at every intersection and throw out a twenty dollar bill. It's not exactly the same, but it's real close.

    I pulled into a garage with my newly purchased 1500 Spitty and politly asked "Have you got a windscreen wiper blade for my Spit"
    The cheeky git replied"sounds like a good deal to me mate.

    An GT6 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light.
    "Do you have a car phone?" its driver asked the man in the Rolls.
    "Of course I do," was the haughty reply.
    "Do you have a fax machine?"
    The Rolls driver sighed. "I have that too."
    "Do you have a double bed in the back?" the GT6 driver wanted to know. Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off.
    That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his car.
    A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same GT6, parked on the side of the road with its back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls and banged on the GT6's rear window. "I want you to know that I've had a double bed installed," bragged the Rolls driver.
    The GT6 driver rolled his window down and frowned at the Rolls driver. "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

    My husband phoned me the other day and proceeded to tell me he had purchased a new car for me. Well I was not thrilled I wanted the new 4 door SUV. What kind is it I asked..... a Triumph Spitfire a BRITISH car.... I've always wanted one he exclaimed! Well I knew nothing of these British cars. I love Coronation Street does that help? No?
    Well, family told me to be grateful, he only bought it because he's going through a MID LIFE CRISIS. "They either buy sports cars or trade the wife in for a slimmer newer model." He got BOTH. We've had the car no w 4 days and I'm slimmer already...I've had to push it home every time we go out!
  2. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2009

  3. mrkirker

    mrkirker New Member

    Jul 13, 2007
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