Cat Lover? Not now!

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by berto64, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. berto64

    berto64 Active Member

    Jan 31, 2001
    Owyhee County, Idaho
    Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

    We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
    this one:

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
    excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

    On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
    truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
    sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
    day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
    the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to
    my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

    Initially, the new acquisition was no problem--.

    Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
    wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is
    dead again. Please come reset it."

    "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter
    and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

    "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
    There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a

    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
    nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
    extremely cowardly.

    Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
    button. It is the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No,
    it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It
    was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied
    hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked
    me as I reached under the sink. At the precise moment when I was most
    vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them
    with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly
    bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full
    weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in
    this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
    experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
    bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not
    many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
    floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

    Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
    snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
    suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

    Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
    to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about
    my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,
    which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

    If they only knew!
  2. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

    Aug 22, 2006
    South Central Texas
    this takes so long to read can't read and laugh):D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

  3. idocdave

    idocdave New Member

    Dec 16, 2006
  4. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
  5. berto64

    berto64 Active Member

    Jan 31, 2001
    Owyhee County, Idaho
    A retired lady schoolteacher friend sent that to