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TShooters
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 723
(11/29/01 11:10:05 am)
| Del All
Company Christmas Party
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December 1

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots
of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

- - - -

December 2

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often
coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However,
from now on we are calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy
applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will
be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

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December 3

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I am happy to accommodate this
request, but don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads "AA
Only", you won't be anonymous any more. In addition, forget about the
gifts exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

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December 7

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays
are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the
gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower
arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

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December 9

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO
to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit".

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

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December 10

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians - I've had it with you people!! We are going to hold
this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just
sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you put it, and
you will get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you
know, tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... HA! I hope you all have
a rotten holiday. Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

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December 14

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I am sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness. I will continue to forward your
cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

Winter11
Moderator
Posts: 463
(11/29/01 11:43:43 am)
| Del
Re: Company Christmas Party
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AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA


LMAO

Sent that one around MY office....

Awesome!!!

Always Faithful

Mithrandir
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 186
(11/30/01 12:30:14 pm)
| Del Re: Company Christmas Party
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ditto!!!!


out...

hope6970
Moderator
Posts: 682
(12/5/01 11:20:45 pm)
| Del Re: Company Christmas Party
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That was funny Sharon, I don't have an office but will pass it around to a few of my friends. - Hope

GRUNT
Member
Posts: 44
(12/6/01 12:13:02 am)
| Del
Re: Company Christmas Party
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ROFLMBO!!! I just have to copy and paste that one. It sounds an awful lot like our company party (that we used to have) Thanks for the post....
 
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