Darwinisms

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by Guest, Mar 2, 2003.

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    dap22
    Senior Chief Moderator II
    Posts: 970
    (8/8/01 12:05:19 pm)
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    Darwinisms
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    1. When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    3. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car.

    4. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her dead.

    5. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing.

    6. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    7. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E. Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently,
    he did not realize that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.

    8. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    9. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
    The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East,
    and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant.




    nighthawk
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 202
    (8/8/01 12:33:50 pm)
    | Del Re: Darwinisms
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    ah,,the foibles of mankind,,,lol,,the scarey part is,I believe all that,,,lol

    Indybear57
    Moderator
    Posts: 512
    (8/8/01 1:25:03 pm)
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    Re: Darwinisms
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    This was in our local paper Monday morning. The cartoon is called Non Sequitor.



    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 1393
    (8/9/01 5:52:26 am)
    | Del Darwin Awards
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    Gotta love that # 9 Dave. Cracked me up!
    I used to go to that sight...haven't been for awhile now, but boy they have some of the stupidest people . Some friends say and I agree that some of that is made up.
    Some!...certainly not all tho. Hehe!

    "foibles!!!"...atta boy Hawk buddy...make me get out my dictionary. "I'm back" "Hehe!, and nope!...I ain't tellin anyone the definitions Hawk".
    Whispers, Can't have everyone as smart as me and you, EH!...adding, "Think Ol Catch knows"

    Hahahahahahaha! Goodun Mike! "UH! Er!...sequiash!(no, that's some kinda Big Foot I think), sequins! (no, I have plenty of them dresses), sequ...
    ...AW! Nuts!...
    ...trudges off to get the dictionary yet again complaining...
    ..."Never needed a dictionary round here till them new guys showed up... Catch and Hawk and Mith and...
    ...they got Indy now!, next ll' be Dave and Stan and Lar.
    ...the gals!...too!


    Good Grief!






    TShooters
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 491
    (8/9/01 12:57:45 pm)
    | Del Re: Darwinisms
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    , Dave!

    Loved the cartoon, Indy!

    Here's a few more:

    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he "lacked
    intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package.
    Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
    Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
    gunman who had barricaded himself in his home. After firing ten tear gas
    canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
    the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
    An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
    forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein
    the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money........from his own bank
    accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY!
    A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
    money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
    tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
    until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT??
    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
    couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
    man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
    shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
    A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
    contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
    the
    doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
    In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
    hold
    up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
    finger
    to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
    pocket. (helllllllooooooo!)

    8. THE GRAND FINALE!
    Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high
    desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
    boating,
    were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
    their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane
    at
    all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
    much
    power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
    putted
    to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
    wrong. A
    thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
    The
    engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct
    size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
    underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW
    REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE......Under the boat, still strapped securely in
    place,
    was the trailer.




    ( #8's been around a few times as a blonde joke, so don't know if it's true or not.
    Too funny, though! )

    Sharon