Embarrassing Medical Exams

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by jestor, Aug 31, 2010.

  1. jestor

    jestor New Member

    Aug 18, 2009
    Try to think of some of these when your doctor is "acting superior".

    Embarrassing Medical Exams

    1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

    My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
    I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
    dress and began to take off her underwear.
    Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
    and I was in the wrong one.

    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
    San Francisco

    2. At the beginning of my shift
    I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
    And slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

    'Big breaths,' I instructed.
    'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
    Seattle , WA

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
    news when I told a wife that her husband had
    died of a massive myocardial infarct.

    Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
    reporting to the rest of the family that he had
    died of a 'massive internal fart.'

    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up
    appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
    me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
    one of his medications..
    ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
    The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
    I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
    I wouldn't see.
    Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

    Now, the instructions include removal of
    the old patch before applying a new one.

    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
    Norfolk , VA

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
    I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
    After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
    ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

    Submitted by Dr. Ste ven Swanson-
    Corvallis , OR

    6. I was performing rounds at the
    hospital one morning and while checking
    up on a man I asked, 'So how's your
    breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
    except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
    to get used to the taste.' Bob replied.
    I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
    a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
    Detroit ,

    7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
    when a young woman with purple hair styled
    into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
    of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
    entered. It was quickly determined that
    the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
    scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
    been dyed green and above it there was a
    tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
    wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
    which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

    Submitted by RN no name,

    AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
    I was quite embarrassed when performing female
    pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
    I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

    The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
    I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . .
    'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
    She replied with tears running down
    her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

    ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
    ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
  2. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

    Aug 17, 2009
    N FLA
    "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener"

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