Final Exam

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by Pistolenschutze, Aug 5, 2008.


    This is forwarded from a graduate of the University of Oklahoma School of
    Chemical Engineering Dept. Citing one of Dr. Schlambaugh's final test
    questions for his final examinations of 1997. Dr. Schlambaugh is
    known for asking questions on his finals like: "Why do airplanes fly".
    In May 1997, The Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II final exam question


    Most of the students wrote proofs on their beliefs using Boyle's Law or
    some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

    "First we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If
    they do then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are
    souls moving into Hell, and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can
    safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it does not leave. Therefore
    no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the
    different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that
    if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since
    there are more than one of these religions, and people do not belong to
    more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
    Hell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the
    number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now we look at the rate
    of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the
    temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of
    the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

    Answer 1: So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
    souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
    until all Hell breaks loose.

    Answer 2: Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
    increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
    until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan
    during freshman year, that "It'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
    you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having
    sexual relations with her, then [A2] cannot be true...thus, Hell is

    The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
  2. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    You have to be kidding, he concluded exothermic! It has to be endothermic, it comes down to the source of the heat, anyhow, I hope not to find out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2008

  3. USMC-03

    USMC-03 New Member

    Oct 17, 2007
    Peoples Republic of the Pacific Northwest
    Hmmm... I think I may have dated her sister.
  4. cohoskip

    cohoskip New Member

    Oct 14, 2007
    Summer: Chimacum, WA; Winter: Casa Grande, AZ
    Tim Graham is a deep thinker...
  5. user

    user Active Member

    Oct 16, 2007
    Northern piedmont of Va. and Middle of Nowhere, We
    The thing that's been bugging me is this notion, as we see in John Milton's Paradise Lost, of eternal torture of deviant souls. But in the Gospels, there's only one place where such an idea is suggested (Jesus' parable about the rich man and Lazarus and whether Father Abraham could send Lazarus over the chasm to give the tortured rich man some water). In every other description, and there are many, the deviant souls are compared to easily combustible substances thrown into a fire. E.g., "The axe is at the foot of the tree, and any tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."; deviant souls are also compared to chaff and weeds. It would appear the fire is permanent, but the souls are not. On the other hand, those who survive the transition all get the same reward: life.

    So I have to question the premise that souls have mass. Except, of course, on All Souls' Day, when they have a special mass.
  6. Lighten up, user, this is merely humor, not meant to be serious. ;) Apparently the incident did occur however, and one must admit, it is a clever response to a rather interesting exam question. This reminds me of the story of the philosophy prof who asked the following question on a final exam: "Why?" The answers he received--all except one--were lengthy and deep philosophical treatises and mostly focused on existential philosophy or on an epistemological angle. One student, however, wrote his answer in just a few seconds and turned it in. This student received the only "A." His answer? "Why not." :D
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