Horrible Loathsome Puns

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pistolenschutze, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
    He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
    to be an optical Aleutian .

    3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was
    a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
    work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
    Linoleum Blownapart.

    9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
    The police are looking into it.
    12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
    One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

    14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

    16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
    When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
    "No change yet."

    17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
    large.

    19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
    veteran.

    20. A backward poet writes inverse.

    21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
    that votes.

    22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
    (Good thing those cannibals didn't boil that missionary cause he was a
    friar!)

    23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
     
  2. oldogy

    oldogy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2009
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    309
    Location:
    East TN
    Love 'em.
    Like the squirrel crossing the road. If it does not get hauling it is going to be carrion.
    oldogy
     

  3. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Messages:
    13,846
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    What a delightful chuckle !!!!! Thanks, Pistol. :) :)

    Took the liberty of sending to my whole non-TFF mailing list.
     
  4. mrkirker

    mrkirker New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2007
    Messages:
    3,067
    When I saw the thread title, I thought, "Alright! Hot Dawg!'
    I wasn't disappointed! Thanks for the chuckles! :)
     
  5. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    Woman who misplaces sewing finds herself on pins and needles.

    Pops
     
  6. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,330
    Location:
    South Central Texas
    title is correct. :rolleyes::D:D:D
     
  7. fmacsin1

    fmacsin1 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2008
    Messages:
    432
    Location:
    Moosehead Lake, Maine
    Great ones, PS!
     
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