Human race is doomed

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by warpig, Feb 24, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    Posts: 46
    (11/5/02 2:28:10 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del All Human race is doomed
    In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Fritos: .You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
    down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
    reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:

    On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

    Now that you've smiled at least once, send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

    Posts: 24
    (11/5/02 8:14:28 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del good
    good one

    Bob In St Louis
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 3226
    (11/5/02 3:15:15 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: good
    I have a copy of a manual for the SKS rifle that was produced in the 1980s when all those Chinese SKS rifles were imported. It was obviously written by a Chinese engineer not too proficient in English. There were a lot of strange things in this manual, but my favorite one was "do not allow the rifle to become sun burned" ?????

    To this day I have been putting sun screen on myself and my rifle when I go out shooting ----
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1622
    (11/5/02 4:58:38 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: good
    That is all good and dandy Bob, but do you or the rifle have any tan lines?

    Hey, Bin Lauden, our women can kick you butt!

    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 423
    (11/5/02 8:56:11 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: good
    Speaking of funny mis-translations, here are a few good ones:

    When translated into Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off".

    In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

    Sign in a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

    In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

    Message printed on a Japanese eraser: "Mr. Friendly Quality Eraser. Mr. Friendly Arrived!! He always stay near you, and steals in your mind to lead you to a good situation.". On the bottom of the eraser is a further message: "We are ecologically minded. This package will self-destruct in Mother Earth."

    Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken", got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused".

    The Mitsubishi four wheel drive marketed in Australia as the "Pajero" was the cause of great emabarassmentt in Spain where "Pajero" means "masturbater".

    Russian/Russia: in the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

    Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

    Switzerland: in a Swiss menu: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for".

    Unknown (South Africa? France? Australia?): in a Rhodes tailor's shop: Order your summers suit. Because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
    Macht kaputt, was euch kaputt macht!

    Posts: 48
    (11/7/02 1:39:03 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: good
    Got a kick out of those.

    Go Get Beer
    Posts: 35
    (11/7/02 4:15:37 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: good
    Try these:

    edited to activate link - ruffitt

    Edited by: ruffitt at: 11/9/02 11:17:45 am

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 5208
    (11/8/02 2:36:41 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del
    Re: good
    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

    If you take an oriental person and spin him in circles does he become disoriented?