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chief 502
Member
Posts: 16
(7/17/01 10:09:25 am)
| Del All I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
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Humor of the day! All the kids are grown now and have children of their own. I read this skit and look back and laugh at some of the things the kids did when they were babies. Now that they have kids of their own, "IT'S PAYBACK TIME" Subject: children
>
> For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
> For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
> For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
> For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
>
> The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.
>
> THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING)
>
> 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot
> house 4 inches deep.
>
> 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller
> blades, they can ignite.
>
> 3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
> restaurant.
>
> 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong
> enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
superman
> cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
> paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
>
> 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
> using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times
> before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
> 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by
> a ceiling fan.!
>
> 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already
too
> late.
>
> 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
> 9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
> 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
glass
> can
> start a fire even on an overcast day.
>
> 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four
year
> old.
>
> 11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same
sentence.
>
> 12. Super glue is forever.
>
> 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still
can't
> walk on water.
>
> 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>
> 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show
> they do.
>
> 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
> 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
> 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
> 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not
> like ovens.
>
> 20. The fire department in Austin TX has a 5 minute response time.
>
> 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy.
>
> 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>
> 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
>
>
>



Edited by: chief 502 at: 7/17/01 11:11:11 am

Indybear57
Moderator
Posts: 435
(7/17/01 10:20:50 am)
| Del
ezSupporter
Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Too funny and all too true! Thanks for the laugh!

Mike L

Winter11
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 116
(7/17/01 10:51:24 am)
| Del
Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAY TOO FUNNY....

Birth control ay? I'd agree with that (LOL)

nighthawk
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 103
(7/17/01 10:52:28 am)
| Del Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
very funny,,,

who ever wrote that must have known my kids,,,,

TShooters
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 399
(7/17/01 1:54:39 pm)
| Del How it all started.........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was, "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
"Hey, Eve .. . we have forbidden fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes, way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why He
hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He
ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked?
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said, "Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has
never changed! But there is reassurance in this story.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they
haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece
of cake for you?
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do
what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

homer4
Moderator
Posts: 1174
(7/18/01 8:33:35 am)
| Del Re: How it all started.........
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All gooduns!
...and two hard boiled eggs.
 
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