I can relate to this some 20 years ago!

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by Guest, Mar 2, 2003.

  1. Guest

    Guest Guest

    chief 502
    Member
    Posts: 16
    (7/17/01 10:09:25 am)
    | Del All I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
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    Humor of the day! All the kids are grown now and have children of their own. I read this skit and look back and laugh at some of the things the kids did when they were babies. Now that they have kids of their own, "IT'S PAYBACK TIME" Subject: children
    >
    > For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    > For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
    > For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
    > For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
    >
    > The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.
    >
    > THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING)
    >
    > 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot
    > house 4 inches deep.
    >
    > 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
    roller
    > blades, they can ignite.
    >
    > 3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
    > restaurant.
    >
    > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
    strong
    > enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
    superman
    > cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
    > paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
    >
    > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
    > using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
    times
    > before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
    >
    > 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
    hit by
    > a ceiling fan.!
    >
    > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already
    too
    > late.
    >
    > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    >
    > 9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    > 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
    glass
    > can
    > start a fire even on an overcast day.
    >
    > 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four
    year
    > old.
    >
    > 11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same
    sentence.
    >
    > 12. Super glue is forever.
    >
    > 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still
    can't
    > walk on water.
    >
    > 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
    >
    > 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
    show
    > they do.
    >
    > 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    >
    > 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
    >
    > 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
    >
    > 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
    not
    > like ovens.
    >
    > 20. The fire department in Austin TX has a 5 minute response time.
    >
    > 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
    dizzy.
    >
    > 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
    >
    > 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    >
    >
    >



    Edited by: chief 502 at: 7/17/01 11:11:11 am

    Indybear57
    Moderator
    Posts: 435
    (7/17/01 10:20:50 am)
    | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
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    Too funny and all too true! Thanks for the laugh!

    Mike L

    Winter11
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 116
    (7/17/01 10:51:24 am)
    | Del
    Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
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    WAY TOO FUNNY....

    Birth control ay? I'd agree with that (LOL)

    nighthawk
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 103
    (7/17/01 10:52:28 am)
    | Del Re: I can relate to this some 20 years ago!
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    very funny,,,

    who ever wrote that must have known my kids,,,,

    TShooters
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 399
    (7/17/01 1:54:39 pm)
    | Del How it all started.........
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    After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
    And the first thing he said was, "Don't."
    "Don't what?" Adam replied.
    "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
    "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
    "Hey, Eve .. . we have forbidden fruit!"
    "No way!"
    "Yes, way!"
    "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
    "Why?"
    "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why He
    hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).
    A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He
    ticked!
    "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked?
    "Uh huh," Adam replied.
    "Then why did you?" said the Father.
    "I don't know," said Eve.
    "She started it!" Adam said, "Did not!"
    "Did too!"
    "DID NOT!
    Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
    should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has
    never changed! But there is reassurance in this story.
    If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they
    haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
    If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece
    of cake for you?
    Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do
    what it says on the aspirin bottle:
    "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 1174
    (7/18/01 8:33:35 am)
    | Del Re: How it all started.........
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    All gooduns!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.