JUST DON'T FIGHT THE FACT!!!!

Discussion in 'VMBB General Discussion' started by rooter, Apr 26, 2009.

  1. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff* Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    18,659
    Location:
    Glendale Arizona
    MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

    NICKNAMES

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT

    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

    SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humour and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
     
  2. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    May I add something in the same vain..

    Anyone who thinks it's impossible to be wrong all the time has never been married.
     

  3. carver

    carver Moderator Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2008
    Messages:
    29,670
    Location:
    DAV, Deep in the Pineywoods of E. Texas!
    Thank you both very much!
     
  4. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff* Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    18,659
    Location:
    Glendale Arizona
    AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

    > Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
    >
    > Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
    >
    >
    >
    > For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
    >
    > A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
    >
    >
    >
    > If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
    >
    > You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    > Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
    >
    > If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
    >
    > Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
     
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