More democrat joke

Discussion in 'The Fire For Effect and Totally Politically Incorr' started by Rommelvon, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. Rommelvon

    Rommelvon New Member

    Aug 6, 2006
    Goldsboro, NC
    As you may have noticed, I loathe panty waste libs:D

    Q: Why is Janet Reno better than the Secret Service?
    A: Because there are some things the Secret Service won't do to protect the President!

    The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!"

    Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".


    Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
    A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.


    In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.


    Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
    A: Chelsea.


    A Democrat and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them.
    Do you have lunch or go to a movie?


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
    A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat politician and a leech?
    A: A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a vampire?
    A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat on a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
    A: The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.


    Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
    A: Vultures will eat the skunk.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
    A: The prostitute give value for the money she takes.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a bucket of cow manure?
    A: The bucket.


    Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
    A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

    Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
    A: Because deep down, they're really good people.


    Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for Democrats?
    A: Because after they die, they lie still.


    Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a Democrat?
    A: A doberman


    Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
    A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.


    Q: What's the definition of "a shame"?
    A: When a busload of Democrats goes off a cliff.

    Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
    A: When there was an empty seat


    Three Democrats and three Republicans were going for a trip by train. Before boarding the train the Democrats bought 3 tickets (they could count to three) while the Republicans bought only one. The Democrats were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three Republicans went to the nearest toilet. The Conductor noticing that somebody is in the toliet knocked on the door and in reply saw a hand with the ticket. He checked it and Republicans saved 2/3 of the ticket price. The next day the Democrats decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but Republicans did not buy any tickets at all. When the Democrats saw the conductor they went to the toliet, and when they heard knocking they handed out the ticket. They did not get it back. Why? The Republicans took it and went to the other toilet.


    A party of Democrats was climbing in the Alps .
    After several hours they became hopelessly lost.
    One of them studied the map for some time, turning
    it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks,
    consulting his compass, and finally the sun.

    Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'
    'Yes', answered the others eagerly.
    'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'


    When Albert Einstein died, he met three people in the line outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of Gingrich's Contract with America legislation in moving us into the twenty-first century". The third person mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "What was it like being Vice-President, Mister Gore?"


    Q:Why did God create Democrats ?
    A:In order to make used car salesmen look good.


    SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else.
    COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk.
    FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sell you milk.
    NAZISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoot you.
    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. State takes both of them, kill one and spill the milk in the sewage system.
    CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
    Artists' Brains $9/oz
    Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
    Scientists' Brains $15/oz
    Republicans' Brains $19/oz
    Democrats' Brains $2,000/oz

    Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, "My those Democrats' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many Democrats you have to kill to get a ounce of brains?!"


    Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
    A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?


    If all the Democrats were laid end to end

    a) it would be a good thing
    b) they would be more comfortable
    c) they would never reach a conclusion
    d) all of the above
    e) none of the above
    f) they would point in different directions


    The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced that they were going to start using Democrats instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the Democratic National Committee was outraged and filed suit, but NIH presented some compelling reasons for the switch:

    1) NIH lab assistants become very attached to their rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a Democrat.
    2) Democrats breed faster.
    3) Democrats are much cheaper to care for and PETA won't object regardless of the experiment.
    4) There are some things even rats won't do.

    Drawbacks: It is difficult to extrapolate test results to human beings.


    Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.


    A guy walks into a DC curio shop. While browsing he comes across an exquisite brass rat. "What a great gag gift" he thinks to himself. After dickering with the shop keeper over the price, the man purchases the rat and leaves. As he's walking down the street, he hears scurrying noises behind him. Stopping and looking around, he sees undreds, then thousands of rats pouring out of the alleys and stairwells into the street behind him. In a panic he runs down the street with the rats not far behind. The street ends at a pier; he runs to the end of the pier and heaves the brass rat into the Potomac. All of the rats scurry past him into the river where they drown. After breathing a sigh of relief and wiping his brow, the man heads back to the curio shop, finds the shop keeper and asks, "Do you have any brass Democrats?"


    They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.


    For three years, the young Democrat took his vacations at a country inn. He had an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the child would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and we finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than an Democrat."


    Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a conservative Democrat, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.


    A wealthy Democrat had a summer house in the Maine woods. Each summer he'd invite a different friend (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two. On one occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian to stay with him. They had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning they went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch along came two huge bears. The Democrat dashed for cover. His friend wasn't so lucky and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The Democrat ran back to his car, drove to town as fast has he could, and got the sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the Democrat. Sure enough, both bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the Democrat, pointing to the male. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
    "Whatd'ya do that for?!" exclaimed the Democrat, "I said he was in the other!" "Yep," said the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a Democrat who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

    1. Any person with a valid Washington DC hunting license or a Federal Income Tax Return may harvest Democrats.
    2. Taking of Democrats with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
    3. Killing of Democrats with a vehicle is prohibited. If one is accidentally struck, remove the dead Democrat to side of the road and proceed to the nearest car wash.
    4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest Democrats from limousines, Mercedes Benz's, the Metro, or Porsches.
    5. It shall be unlawful to shout "pork barrel" or "free social programs" for the purpose of trapping Democrats.
    6. It shall be unlawful to hunt Democrats within 100 feet of government buildings.
    7. It shall be unlawful to use decision memos, draft legislation, conference reports, or RFP's to attract Democrats.
    8. It shall be unlawful to hunt Democrats within 200 feet of Senate or House hearing rooms, libraries, whorehouses, massage parlors, special interest group offices, bars, or strip joints.
    9. If an Democrat is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it. It will also be a shame.
    10. Stuffed or mounted Democrats must have a DC Health Department inspection certificate for rabies and vermin.
    11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise him or her self as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female congressional aide, male congressional aide, sheep, legislator, policy maker, bookie, lobbyist, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting Democrats.


    Recently seen in New Orleans: Democrats, like diapers, need to be changed.
    Often for the same reason!!!


    Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap and are protected by the government.


    Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

    Q: What's a conservative?
    A: A liberal who made it through adolescence


    Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
    A: None. The democrats do that.

    Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
    A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

    Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
    A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

    Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski's legal fund?
    A: A free stamp.

    Q: What is a conservative?
    A: A liberal who's been mugged.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2008
  2. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

    Mar 5, 2006
    Deep South Mississippi

  3. Texman

    Texman New Member

    Nov 15, 2006
    What to you have when you got a huge hole full of democrats buried up to their necks in sand?
    A shortage of sand. :D
  4. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :D :D :D
  5. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

    Aug 22, 2006
    South Central Texas
  6. bunnyhunter12

    bunnyhunter12 New Member

    May 8, 2007
    Newfoundland, Canada
    Q. What's the difference between a lib and a picnic table?
    A. A picnic table can support a family without government assistance.

    Q. What's the difference between female lib and a female conservative?
    A. If you don't know, never set me up for a blind date.

    Q. What's the difference between a lib and a kindergarten aged kid?
    A. One throws fits and tantrums when he doesn't get his way, the other is five.

    Q. What's yellow and orange and looks good on a lib?
    A. Fire. (I loved the doberman one too)

    Q. What do you do when you see a lib with his clothes on fire.
    A. Wet a chain and beat out the flames, hitting harder puts it out faster.

    Q. You're in a room with a lib. and Ted Nugent. What do you do?
    A. Grab a beer and enjoy the show.............
  7. JohnK3

    JohnK3 New Member

    May 5, 2003
    Q What do you call a thousand Liberals at the bottom of the ocean?

    A A good start.
  8. artabr

    artabr New Member

    Mar 3, 2008
    New Iberia, Louisiana
    Good ones bunny hunter.:D
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