My Advice on Healthy Living

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by AL MOUNT, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. AL MOUNT

    AL MOUNT Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    3,318
    Location:
    Cleaning my Thompson in The Foothills of the Ozark
    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
    Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually..
    Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
    that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
    Hay and corn.. And what are these? Vegetables.
    So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering

    vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
    Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
    And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.


    Q:

    Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
    Brandy is distilled wine,
    that means they take the water out of the fruity bit
    so you get even more of the goodness that way.

    Beer is also made out of grain.
    Bottoms up!


    Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
    your ratio is one to one.
    If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.


    Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


    Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!
    .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil..
    In fact, they're permeated in it.
    How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy?
    HELLO
    Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
    It's the best feel-good food around!


    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
    you may have had about food and diets.


    And remember:


    'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
    with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
    but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
    chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
    totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'




    AND......


    For those of you who watch what you eat,
    here's the final word on nutrition and health.
    It's a relief to know the truth after all those
    conflicting nutritional studies.


    1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


    2.. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..




    CONCLUSION


    Eat and drink what you like.

    Speaking English is apparently what kills you. :eek:
     
  2. Ed Wagner

    Ed Wagner Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    166
    Location:
    NW Ohio
    I totally agree 9 years ago I had triple bypass surgery, my wife can't understand why I still drink and smoke. The answer is simple I got the EXTENDED WARRANTY when I had it done. Works for cars should work for me.
     

  3. Mr. Nameless

    Mr. Nameless New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    1,264
    Location:
    Coast of N.C.
    I have nothingn to say that wouldn't make this even more horrible.
    good job:D
     
  4. FTK87

    FTK87 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2009
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    Location:
    Chouteau, Oklahoma