News from the business world...

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by glocknut, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. glocknut

    glocknut Active Member

    Dec 14, 2003
    Breaking News from the Business World
    1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing.. Its called the stock market.

    2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street .

    3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

    4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

    5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

    6. I want to warn people from Nigeria . if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it

    7. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's

    New Stock Market Terms

    CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

    CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment banker to mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell..

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock...

    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

    YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

    WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should be now locked up in a nuthouse.

    PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
  2. oscarmayer

    oscarmayer New Member

    Jun 24, 2008
    number 6 caught me off guard i now have to clean up the coffee that i was sipping at the time...... it's all over the key board :D:D:D

  3. mrkirker

    mrkirker New Member

    Jul 13, 2007
    My 'favorite' was #7!
    "Clean-up in Office I-3!"
  4. ampaterry

    ampaterry *TFF Admin Staff Chaplain* Staff Member Supporting Member

    Dec 20, 2008
    West Tennessee
    :D :D :D :D
    These are GREAT!
    I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time -

    I am stealing this list to send to my daughter -
    She is a (very successful!) licensed financial counselor!