Paraprosdokian Sentences

Discussion in 'The Constitutional & RKBA Forum' started by Marlin, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Here are some interesting thoughts from today's Patriot Humor.

    Paraprosdokian sentences

    [FONT=&quot]A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.[/FONT]

    • [FONT=&quot]Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]War does not determine who is right -- only who is left. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR." [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]You're never too old to learn something stupid. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? [/FONT]
    • [FONT=&quot]Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.[/FONT]
  2. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    You beat me to it, lad. :D:D:D


  3. graehaven

    graehaven Well-Known Member

    May 26, 2007
    Rochester, NY
  4. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest