Pig Mystery in Texarkana ( 1 2 3 )

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ruffitt, Feb 25, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ruffitt

    ruffitt *TFF Admin Staff* In Heaven Now

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Messages:
    2,872
    Location:
    Sparta, MI / Now In Heaven Also
    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 218
    (10/5/01 6:02:07 am)
    | Edit | Del All Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    News Flash - 10/5/01

    Bubba Joe Baker went out this morning to slop the hogs and found a startling development in the pig stye. The hogs all appeared fatter, and were happily squealling and grunting. There in the mud was what appeared to be the remains of a turban, and human bones. Bubba Joe stated "It was the durndest thang. All them hogs weren't eatin' the slop, and the one big sow was wearing a soiled red garter on her hind leg."

    The call went out to the intrepid investigator of unusual hog behavior - Spanish Cruffler, a.k.a. Bob In St. Louis. He stated that "The number one suspect would be Graflyx, the intergalactic sheep molester; however, I know he has a fondness for wool, besides, he isn't a Muslim, but a worshiper of the third eye of the Uranian Ring Goddess."

    Bob In St. Louis will go undercover next week to Texarkana to explore this mystery. Stay tuned for the developing story.

    needleace
    Member
    Posts: 11
    (10/5/01 6:11:32 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Not another Arkansas scandal (or was this Texas). BJB (Clinton) was enough. Thank God he's in NY. God help us!

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 219
    (10/5/01 8:05:45 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Further Developments:

    Sheriff Harland A. Hogg has released a report on the incident: "At first, we thought Bubba Joe might have been the culprit. However, our investigations indicate that Bubba Joe has been known to use a pink garter during his piggy interludes. He has put on numerous demonstrations in the back lot of the local Moose Lodge."

    This was further substantiated by Bubba Joe's wife, Belinda "He does have a thang about that big ol' sow. However, he always hoses her down and brings her in the bedroom fer his fun. Dang it though, I always gotta clean up that pig crap the next mornin". Belinda then produced a soiled pink garter from beneath Bubba Joe's pillow to show the press.

    Local Doctor/Veterinarian Sylvester Slick also confirmed the findings "I have examined both Bubba Joe and the sow in question. Even though Bubba Joe has developed quite a corkscrew appearance to his appendage, DNA samples obtained from the sow have confirmed it was not Bubba Joe. I must admit, I have never seen such a smug smile on a pig before."

    Stay tuned for further developments.

    280freak
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 116
    (10/5/01 8:54:12 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Keep 'em coming, Bob, this is good stuff!

    LIKTOSHOOT
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 2479
    (10/5/01 9:59:01 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Dang Bob, if your trip was the weekend of the 19th, you could drive 46 miles west on IH30 from Texarkana and be at our squirrel camp start up. Course you might not be seen for a while......strange things happen in the river bottoms.
    America, we are the symbol of Freedom and Liberty......

    warpig883
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 648
    (10/5/01 10:50:09 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Just for the record the Warpig was nowhere near Texas since 1993. Have not been to Arkansas since 1988
    I fear we have awaked a sleeping giant and filled it with a terrible resolve. Jap. Admiral Yamamota directly after Pearl Harbor.

    Edited by: warpig883 at: 10/5/01 12:10:24 pm

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 220
    (10/5/01 11:05:21 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Further Developments:

    An Arkansas State Trooper who has requested to remain annonymous has come forward with details on how he had on numerous occassions snuck the sow in question into the State Governor's residence during a certain former Governor's administration for midnight rendevous and snack binges. "Durndest thing" he said. "A big white limo would pick up that sow, and she would be all decked out in Victoria Secret underwear and wearing a red garter". The Secret Service has quickly squealched the report, and the State Trooper has gone into hiding.

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 221
    (10/5/01 11:10:49 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    News at the Top of the Hour:

    An unconfirmed report has placed the slutty sow as seen in a house of ill repute identified as "The Pump House" on numerous occassions. It is reported that she has a fondness for Texans with no taste, and sneaks across the border frequently to quench her insatiable lust for kinky encounters. When questioned, one of the proprietors of the Pump House identified as Black Gun responded "If it ain't a sheep, I don't know nothin' about it".

    280freak
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 118
    (10/5/01 11:19:53 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "...squealched the report". Lololol, good one!

    warpig883
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 651
    (10/5/01 11:32:33 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Blackgun tell them nothing. And get Gunguy in the back before they start asking him anything! And don't let them talk to me I am a blithering idiot who will do or admit to anything for a trinket
    I fear we have awaked a sleeping giant and filled it with a terrible resolve. Jap. Admiral Yamamota directly after Pearl Harbor.

    Edited by: warpig883 at: 10/5/01 3:14:30 pm

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 222
    (10/5/01 11:42:18 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    New Developments:

    A group of protesters identified as a militant wing of PETA has shown up at the infamous pig sty. The spokesman of the group, identified as Ima Lamb stated "It's about time that animals started eating people. We eat them all the time, turn around is fair play" The group then proceeded to sacrifice one of their members and feed him to the hogs. Sheriff Hogg stated "Wish more of em would do that".

    In the meantime, the Taliban has issued a statement "We will not extradite any members of the extreme militant Muslim Pig Fornicating Terrorist Group unless the US provides definate proof of their involvement".

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 223
    (10/5/01 12:36:05 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Breaking News:

    A new development has occurred in "Arkansas At War". A group of militant pigs identified as "Soldiers of Hannibal" have issued an ultimatum to the Texarkana Courthouse. Soldiers of Hannibal spokesman, a large boar identified as Hoggy Gonads, has stated "we are calling on all our Razorback brethern to come down out of the hills and up from the river bottoms to join us in our march on the courthouse to free our religious leader, Hannibal Lechter".

    Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., President Bush is currently boarding Air Force One. When questioned about the rapidly developing events, his only comment was "We are going to have one fine barbecue in Arkansas".

    Stay tuned for further developments.

    AGunguy
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 404
    (10/5/01 12:40:55 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Another cruel barb thrust at my poor old idiot ass. Deleted the following because of poor choice of my words.

    GG

    Edited by: AGunguy at: 10/6/01 5:44:25 pm

    BlackGun
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 987
    (10/5/01 1:26:53 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I ain't sayin nothin!

    **EXCEPT** GG always under pressure from them thar danglie do's a hangin from the Hoochie Mamma's breast makes him spill the Bob's Best every time!
    rules for survival: Sight alignment, Breath control, & Trigger Squeeze
    BlackGUN

    Edited by: BlackGun at: 10/5/01 2:44:47 pm

    warpig883
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 652
    (10/5/01 2:16:28 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sorry GG

    Kinda been thinking about offering ya a 1/3 partnership in The Pump House if'n ya be interested.
    I fear we have awaked a sleeping giant and filled it with a terrible resolve. Jap. Admiral Yamamota directly after Pearl Harbor.

    Edited by: warpig883 at: 10/5/01 3:36:36 pm

    AGunguy
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 405
    (10/5/01 3:14:21 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Hey, I'm no prude, all I ask is please use a little more tact to some of us. I'm an old bastard (65) and if you notice I try to be polite most of the time. (yeah sure he does)

    I think I'll stay out of the pump house...if you gents don't mind...thanks.

    Gunguy

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 224
    (10/5/01 3:56:39 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    News Bulletin:

    Texas Rangers have announced that they raided the Pump House and taken two individuals identified as BlackGun and Warpig into protective custody for further questioning. A third individual was sought; however, it turned out that the individual previously identified as AGunGuy was actually one known as Liktoshoot. It seems that Liktoshoot had assumed AGunGuy's identity while trying to sneak into the Pump House in pursuit of a certain soiled red garter. Liktoshoot was last seen crawling down the hole of the privy out back. The head of the Ranger raiding party said "We ain't that desperate to go in thar after him".

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 225
    (10/5/01 4:19:15 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    News Flash:

    Within less than 12 hours following the gruesome discovery this morning, the Governor of Arkansas has called out the National Guard to calm the situation and address the piggy revolt. General Bartrum E. Lee has called up the Little Rock contingent of National Guard. The guardsmen, dressed in their RealTree Camo, carrying Mossberg shotguns, and fortified with Redman Chewing tobacco, were seen loading sacks of charcoal briquets into the backs of their woodland camo painted 1962 Dodge Pickup trucks. The convoy fell into line, with a tanker truck of Jimmy Joe's "Finger Lickin' Good" Little Rock barbecue sauce in the middle. They were seen heading down the highway to Texarkana.

    Zigzag2
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1213
    (10/5/01 6:50:58 pm)
    | Edit | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Surprisingly enough, BG & GG were able to intercept the red garter... imagine that? and then...

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1099
    (10/5/01 8:16:56 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    60 Minutes 2 - The Full Story:

    This evening we examine the Texarkana Disaster to try to determine the source of the violent piggy insurection. In our studio is Doctor Alpert Slackjaw, Professor of Forensic Anthropology from the University Of Arkansas, Fayetteville. Doctor, we understand the Arkansas State Police and FBI have called you in to examine the human remains found in the pig sty at the site of this horrible incident. Can you tell us, Professor, what exactly have you determined from your examination?

    "Yah, it is human bones, you betcha. Lots of hog chew marks, them messy beasties. We have reconstructed two male skeletons from the original remains - we left the PETA sacrifices there - good riddance to them. Anyway, we have determined that the skeletons were from caucasion males, somewhere in the age range of 40 to 60. We matched the dental records from the one skeleton to those on file for Jimmy Hoffa. The blue swede shoes we found with the other one were a dead (pardon the pun) give away as to the identity of the other. What we cannot explain is the fact these two individuals have been missing for so long, but the bones were obviously from a fresh hog attack. Now Morley, get that damn microphone out of my face or I'll shove it where the sun don't shine".

    Uh, thank you Professor for the insight on the findings. As the mystery deepens, we are intrigued by the current information filtering in about the sighting of irregular flashing blue lights over Bubba Joe's farm the night before the horrendous find. Could this be another terrorist plot? Could this be a Hollywood plot gone bad? Could this be a severe case of Yellow Journalism? Stay tuned for our next segment as we examine the current pitched battle between the Arkansas National Gaurd and thousands of angry Razorbacks ---
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1101
    (10/5/01 8:33:53 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A commercial interlude:

    This day's storyline is dedicated to BlackGun, Kdubya, and anyone else that has had cancer, is battling cancer, or is recovering from cancer, or any other serious illness or injury. Laughter is healing. Hopefully this story line has brought a chuckle to you, and raised your spirits. A laugh a day helps one to lead a long and healthy life.
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    LIKTOSHOOT
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 2484
    (10/5/01 9:46:11 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    BREAKING NEWS!!! The professor (and maryann) complain of anal pain, QUESTIONS ARISE!! Was uranus probed for life???

    UPDATE TO FOLLOW!!!
    America, we are the symbol of Freedom and Liberty......

    Edited by: LIKTOSHOOT at: 10/5/01 10:47:54 pm

    Tac401
    Administrator
    Posts: 2369
    (10/5/01 10:36:21 pm)
    | Edit | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "BULLETIN"

    Agent Tac401 arrives on the scene but finds
    nothing but 4-red pump house gloves made
    from old panties with the initials TTL!

    The saga continues!
    The Firearms Forum Vietnam Memories Bulletin Board Contact Administrator

    kdubaz
    Moderator
    Posts: 711
    (10/5/01 10:49:08 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Dayum, Crusty - !

    Tho't there for a minute that sinus and ear infection medicine had flown you to the Mothership!

    Now, that gettin' et by a hog would just about be the last word in insult for of' Osma Bin and his gang - onlyest thing worst would be when they came out the other end of the porkie in little wet turds!!!

    We all wait with bated breath for continuing coverage of this sage (pun) saga and the further expose' of the dynamic trio of the "Pump House" - by the way, which one is supposed to be the piano player?
    Keep below the ridgeline!

    polishshooter
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1752
    (10/5/01 10:55:57 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    HHHhhhmmmmmm......

    We need somebody to go deep undercover....I'm thinking a real porker might work...

    Somebody we can trust won't "go native" on us...

    And won't fall in love with the subject of the investigation....I hate when that happens...


    HHHhhmmmmmm.....

    And mebbe a hidden camera with a pighole lense...

    And a "Double Farfoon" or maybe we need just a wire on the porker...


    HHHHhhmmmm...

    Time to turn up the heat...220*, 20 minutes a pound...turning every 5...

    I'm so PROUD to be an AMERICAN...

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1102
    (10/6/01 8:35:48 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Arkansas At War - Day Two:

    As the sun rises over southwest Arkansas, a grim scene is illuminated. Overturned and burning woodland camo painted 1962 Dodge pickup trucks are seen, and exhausted Arkansas National Guardsmen are dug in everywhere. As the events unfolded the night before, the convoy of guardsman arrived in Texarkana at nightfall. The General realized they had not planned for a night encounter, so he dispatched a team to the local Wal Mart to buy up every flashlight and battery they could find. At the outskirts of Texarkana, the Guardsmen encountered approximately 4,000 crazed razorback hogs, frothing at the mouth. "I know now this is going to be a long and intense encounter" stated General Lee. Just after sunset, the first wave of razorbacks attacked the Guardsmen's position. It was at that moment that the General realized he forgot to issue 12 gauge ammo to the troops for their Mossberg Shotguns. Another team was dispatched to the 24 hour Wal-Mart to buy up every round of 12 Gauge ammo that could be found. Meanwhile, the Guardsmen had to defend their positions in hand to hoof combat, using their shotgun buttstocks, and cheap chinese-made pocket knives. The battle was fierce, and loses were tremendous. At the most intense period of the battle, the effects of Uncle Leroy's Army Provisional Cooking (beans a la Arkansas) started affecting the guardsmen, and a strange purple cloud emminated forth across the ground towards the hogs. The gas warfare was so intense, the hogs with squealing snorts and streaming eyes, retreated from their positions.

    In another facet of this developing event, the findings of the Forensic Anthropologist expert are now being called into question. After his interview with Morley on 60 Minutes 2, a large plastic bag containing peyote buttons fell from his jacket pocket. The Professor claimed they were not his, and they were likely placed in his pocket by the pink monkeys and a six-foot tall rabbit wearing a bow tie. At this time the mystery of the human remains, turban, and red garter on the sow remain unanswered.
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    BlackGun
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 995
    (10/6/01 12:53:18 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ************NEWS FLASH*************************

    An unsubstantiated rumor from a very reliable confidential informant, whom this reporter believes it to be the real Gunguy, adivises the CIA, FBI and Arkansas Bureau of Investigation that he has reason to suspect and does believe the red soiled garter was was removed from the crime scene by the escaping, fleeing co-owners of the Pump House lounge and Emporum prior to the siege. This reporter feels by the intellengence provided him that the infamious red soild garter has been placed in a secluded covert undecover, black OPS, safe house some where near Canada, where today it is snowing, to be revealed for viewing at a later date. In the mean time, the FBI, CIA and the Arkansas Bureau of Investigation are spareing no expenses to determine the location of the the two notorious co-owners of the Pump House, Warpig and BG, AKA/ public enemy #1, (pictures available at your local K-mart store on the back of every box of Wolf .22 supersonic Ammo.) Stayed tuned for further details as they develope.
    rules for survival: Sight alignment, Breath control, & Trigger Squeeze
    BlackGUN

    kdubaz
    Moderator
    Posts: 719
    (10/6/01 5:43:42 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Still wanna know which Pump House Misreant is the piano player!!!!!
    Keep below the ridgeline!

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1107
    (10/6/01 9:21:37 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Arkansas At War, Day Two:

    Sunset over Texarkana brings to close an eventful day in this normally quiet southwest Arkansas town. The Arkansas National Guard, fortified with a fresh supply of Redman, more of Uncle Leroy's cooking, and a mysterious beverage identified as "Bob's Best" which smells vaguely of fermented stump water, advanced upon the razorback positions. Some setbacks were encountered when Guardsmen issued 3" magnum 12 gauge shells tried to fire them in their 2 and 3/4" Mossbergs. The razorbacks took advantage of this weak point in the line, and broke through a crack team of special forces razorbacks led by general Huge Balls. The razorbacks managed to capture the tanker truck of barbecue sauce, but the victory was short lived as Uncle Leroy stepped out from behind the tanker and laid down one of his infamous purple clouds.

    About midday, General Lee managed to line up some crop dusters from the Ouchita Municipal Airfield located east from the battle scene. The crop duster tanks were quickly changed out for bomb racks. The fleet of four biplanes took off at approximately 3:00PM, heading for the hottly contested real estate which had started out the day before as a pig sty. Two of the pilots, who have been spraying pesticides for over 40 years, really didn't know which way is up, and had no clue as to their destination. They decided the explosives could be put to a much better use, veered off course, and dumped their payload in the Ouchita River. A holiday was declared in Crossett, Arkansas, and everybody and their cousin was out at the river with dip nets scooping up that delectable carp and gar stunned by the explosions.

    The remaining two biplanes maintained course for Texarkana. One of the planes developed engine trouble, and began bobbing lower and lower over the landscape. The plane finally landed safely on the highway, but quickly became road kill from the infamous Arkansas Express 18 wheelers.

    The final Biplane made it to the target, went into a steep dive, and deployed the bomb directly on target. Bubba Joes pig stye errupted into a huge gyser of pig fecal mater, which splattered down across Texarkana.

    When interviewed, Sheriff Hogg wiped a patch of pig shyte from his eye and declared "This is getting to be a mighty shyty situation".

    Meanwhile - in an undisclosed prison in Florida, security was tightened around the cell holding Hannibal Lechter as rumours spread of an alligator militant Muslim party sympathetic to the razorback cause rallying in the Everglades ---

    Stay tuned for further developments.
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    warpig883
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 663
    (10/7/01 2:27:41 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Meanwhile the pigs had called for reenforcements. A special swine courier had delivered a secret message to the WARPIG and BLACKGUN in the basement of the Pump House.
    Don't mind me, I am a blithering idiot:)

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1108
    (10/7/01 8:34:10 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    As the sun rose for the third day over the dismal scene of Arkansas At War, the Mothership briefly phased in from the annular warp vibrations, and paused over Texarkana. "HHmmm" mused Graflyx as he viewed the scene below. "Not yet, not quite yet" he muttered. Graflyx was then distracted by the sounds of sheep bleating in the rear compartment, and the sounds of voices speaking in Farsi.


    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!


    BlackGun
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 1003
    (10/7/01 10:29:55 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    News release 10/7/01. Unrelated reports of missing flocks of sheep are being reported from all areas of Arkansas by local ranchers as the search for Warpig and BG (public enemy #1) continues! All hoochies mamma's were interviewed and released after a grooling and intense interigation. All being reloacted separately to undisclosed Federal safe houses in the country. Authorities have no reason to believe at this time that this incidental disapperance of the heards of sheep have any bearing or conection with the man hunt for Warpig and BlackGun!
    Stay tuned for further developments as they happen "EYE WITNESS NEWS "
    rules for survival: Sight alignment, Breath control, & Trigger Squeeze
    BlackGUN

    Edited by: BlackGun at: 10/7/01 11:47:06 am

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1109
    (10/7/01 10:51:07 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Somewhere behind enemy lines - a secret meeting in a cave:

    General Huge Balls was in the course of accounting the various actions to date to Hoggy Gonads. "We are at a stalemate now, everytime we make an advance, they manage to unplug their Mossbergs and thwart us." Gonads mused "HHmm - if we would have gotten the support of our Mideastern Muslim comrades as promised, we wouldn't be in this situation right now." Balls replied "True, that unfortunate incident in the pig sty did set us back. If that cross-eyed Moustaf hadn't of corn-holed a hog instead of diddling the sow, we would have the support now. Instead, the insuing hog riot and munch fest took out Moustaf, and Alihambra, who was with the sow." Gonads replied "Speaking of the sow, where is that vision of lovliness now? We must not let her divulge the plans." Balls exclaimed "I thought you had her in custody! If you don't have her, where is she?" Gonads stated "Well, we shall not worry about that now - we will keep looking for her. Meanwhile, we must examine how we can use the secret aid offered to us by the Northern WarPig"

    To be continued ----
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 229
    (10/8/01 6:50:30 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "General! We have a new problem - the razorbacks are attacking on Harleys!" The General Lee was startled by this new development. "Who ever heard of hogs on hogs" he muttered. It seems the Warpig delivered aid to the razorbacks in the form of a shipment of motorcycles. "Quick, tap the tanker of barbecue sauce, and lay down a slick of sauce across the front lines!" barked the general. The barbecue sauce was quickly spread across the front lines as the leading edge of the razorback assault approached. With a crashing of metal the sun glinting off the flashing white tusks of the hogs, the razorback motorized battalion careened into a pile of mangled metal and pig flesh. The Arkansas National Gaurdsmen quickly piled charcoal briquets on the carnage, and began the long awaited barbecue.

    Meanwhile, on the Mothership - Graflyx burst into the rear compartment "You! I told you not to touch my ewe!" he bellowed. With a flick of his right fore tentacle, he slamed the turbaned anti-terrorist, terrorist wearing the velcro gloves into the bulkhead. "I should have never gotten involved in this twisted plot to assasinate Bin Ladin." he muttered.

    On a quiet, wave carressed beach in Tahiti, a porcine pink vision of lovliness wearing a red garter and thong was wallowing in a mango/banana swill. "Ah, this is the life!" she quiped, as the Tahitian boy gave her a massage.

    The remaining razorbacks scattered back into the hills and river bottoms to resume their normal life of eating beach masts, roots and nuts. The Hannibal Lechter cult had been destroyed, and the alligator revolt in Florida had only been a rumour. The grand south Arkansas barbecue was a huge success, and plenty of leftovers fed the troops for weeks.

    Bubba, with a tear in his eye, surveyed what was left of his pig farm. "I sure am going to miss that sow" he whimpered.

    warpig883
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 674
    (10/8/01 9:02:45 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    But in the distance was heard the deep thumping sound that could only mean one thing. It was the sound of two Harleys climbing their way out of the depths of the hellish BBQ pit. singed and with all their clothes burnt off Blackgun and Warpig crack open the throttles and heard for home. "We stirred em up that time" says Warpig. "Yeah we did, lets git on back and get the doors open to the new Pump House" says Blackgun. In a cloud of wheelsmoke and BBQ sauce they ride right back into the world of miscreants with a vengeance to destroy those who would destroy them.
    Don't mind me, I am a blithering idiot:)

    Bob In St Louis
    Senior Chief Moderator Staff
    Posts: 1113
    (10/8/01 7:28:45 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    As our story rolls to a close, it is time to run the credits.

    - No pigs, sheep, donkeys or armadillos were harmed in any way, shape or form during the writing of this story. In fact, some of the pigs and sheep rather enjoyed themselves.

    - We wish to apologize to The Arkansas National Guard. In no way did we mean to deride or degrade that fine body of soldiers. Hopefully someday they will learn to read and find this out for themselves.

    - We want to thank the FBI, Secret Service, Arkansas State Police and Texas Rangers for being tolerant of there name usage in this paradoy. If they wish to discuss this any further, they can contact TLynn - she made me do it!

    - As to PETA, hopefully they will all go to crap and the hogs eat em.

    - To the fine upstanding citizens and officials of Texarkana - I know the portrayal was not realistic, but I had to make you folks look better than you actually are.

    - To Graflyx - Get off your A$$ and get that next batch of Bob's Best down here!

    - And finally, if you are sitting in the privy out back and happen to notice a light shinning up between your legs - it is only LTS working on his photojournalism masters degree.
    Crusty Cruffler of Fine Spanish Pistols - Eibar Rules!

    AGunguy
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 423
    (10/8/01 8:19:52 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    HAW HAW HAW.....HAWWWW! That last insert like to bust my buttons laughing so hard.

    Very graffic description to say the least, thought I was the only redneck that used that expression about went to poop and the hogs ate 'em.

    I am aplauding you all and your expertise of littering er literary imputs.

    Gunguy

    Tac401
    Administrator
    Posts: 2399
    (10/8/01 10:37:20 pm)
    | Edit | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Really enjoyed it Bob, may your butt dreadlocks
    and butt puppets always intertwine!
    The Firearms Forum Vietnam Memories Bulletin Board Contact Administrator

    AntiqueDr
    Moderator
    Posts: 999
    (10/8/01 10:42:45 pm)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Bob, you definitely have a twist.

    Fine stuff!


    We Buy Guns! 1 - 100, Antique or Modern!
    www.apaxenterprises.com

    Spanish Cruffler
    Member
    Posts: 239
    (10/12/01 7:00:13 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Just got back from Texarkana - sheesh, you folks in Texas ought to give your half of that $h!t hole to Arkansas and redraw the state boundaries.

    The Super 8 where I stayed is owned by a Pakistani family. They have all sorts of American flags and "Proud to be an American" stickers behind the front desk. You don't see any of them though - the clerk told me that after the September 11 incident, they hired several more local folks to work the desk, and they pretty much stay out of sight.

    AGunguy
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 434
    (10/12/01 8:38:16 am)
    | Edit | Del Re: Pig Mystery in Texarkana
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Is Bush gonna smoke 'em out of their holes?

    GG
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.