Presidential Descriptions

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pistolenschutze, Jul 14, 2009.

  1. Just to save everyone time, I've compiled an extensive list of descriptions that might be aptly applied to our current President, and most members of Congress as well. No need to thank me. Glad to be of help. :D;)

    A couple of bananas short of a split.
    A couple of bugs short of Windows '95.
    A couple of chips short of an apple
    A few bricks short of a Lego set.
    A few candles short of a birthday cake.
    A few cans short of a six-pack.
    A few clowns short of a circus.
    A few feathers short of a whole duck.
    A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
    A few megabytes short of a harddrive.
    A few peas short of a casserole.
    A few planes short of an Air Force.
    A few shillings short of a quid.
    A few tiles missing from the space shuttle.
    A flower short of the arrangement.
    All foam, no beer.
    An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
    An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
    As smart as bait.
    Bats in the belfry.
    Benji, here's a quarter, call someone who can hear you.
    Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
    Bright as a two-watt bulb.
    Chimney's clogged.
    Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
    Couldn't think his way out of a paper bag.
    Couldn't track an elephant in ten feet of snow.
    Dense as a bowling ball and half as sharp.
    Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
    Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
    Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
    Don't know dung from wild honey.
    Dumber than a box of hair.
    Dumber than a box of rocks.
    Dumber than a sack of mice.
    Dumber than a sack of wet oatmeal.
    Dumber than a three bean salad.
    Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
    Engines running but no one's at the controls.
    Forgot to pay his brain bill.
    Got nothing under his hat but hair.
    Has a head full of intelligence, because none of it has ever come out.
    Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
    Has the makings of a pet rock.
    He ain't got sense enough to spit downwind.
    He ain't worth spit.
    He ain't worth the powder to blow to hell.
    He couldn't find his ass if both hands were tied behind his back.
    He engages his mouth before his brain is in gear.
    He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
    He is as nutty as a nine bob note.
    He is useful as a concrete parachute.
    He makes about as much sense as portholes in a submarine.
    He makes as much sense as a revolving door on a hen-house/out-house.
    He plays Russian Roulette with a staple gun.
    He thinks "The Catcher in the Rye" is a book about a baseball player stoned on whiskey.
    He thinks the Trinity is Larry, Curly and Moe.
    He'd walk into a river so's he could drink standing' up.
    He's a couple dollars short of a Two Dollar Bill.
    He's a couple quarts short of a gallon.
    He's a few biscuits short of a meal.
    He's a few donuts short of a baker's dozen.
    He's a few shrimp shy of a boatload.
    He's a few watts short of a bulb.
    He's a few years short of a century.
    He's a walking advertisement for birth control.
    He's about as pointless as a rubber tack.
    He's about as sharp as an eraser.
    He's about as useful as tits on a boar hog.
    He's crazier than a soup sandwich.
    He's dumber than a door nail.
    He's nutty as a fruitcake.
    He's two quarts shy of a pint.
    He's wearing an empty hat.
    He is a few bindles/joints short of a kilo.
    He isn't the fastest hamster on the wheel.
    His sewing machine's out of thread.
    His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
    His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
    His brain capacity wouldn't make a drinking' cup for a humming' bird.
    His brain don't fire on all four cylinders.
    His bucket doesn't make it to the top of the well.
    His driveway doesn't quite reach the street.
    His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
    His head is so hollow he has to talk with his hands to keep away from the echo.
    His lawn-mower doesn't quite cut the grass.
    His motor's running, but the clutch is disengaged. (or "his transmission's slipping!")
    His shift key doesn't work.
    His stairs don't go all the way to the attic.
    His thinker is plum puny.
    How many angels can dance on his head?
    If you spoke your mind you'd be speechless.
    If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.
    If he were any dumber he would be on life support.
    If he were any dumber, we'd have to water him.
    If his brains were gasoline, he couldn't power a gnat halfway around the inside of a Cherrio.
    If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
    IQ same as his collar size.
    It takes him an hour and a half to watch '60 minutes'.
    It takes him an hour to cook minute rice.
    Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
    Monkeys at the zoo throw him peanuts.
    No grain in the silo.
    Not all of his planes are on deck.
    Not getting power off the main grid.
    Not hauling a full load.
    Not playing with a full deck.
    Not present when they were handing out brains.
    Not the brightest light on the tree.
    Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
    Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
    On the job application where it asks "sex" he put 'Twice a week'.
    One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
    One fry short of a happy meal.
    One gill short of a pint
    One Rice Crispey short of a picnic.
    One taco short of a full combo plate .
    Only nine pence in the shilling.
    Poster Boy for Planned Parenthood.
    Proof that evolution can go in reverse.
    Ready to go to WARP but nobody's on the bridge.
    Receiver is off the hook.
    Recovering from a cerebral bypass operation.
    Several nuts short of a full pouch.
    He got into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.
    He thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
    He thought Hamburger helper came with a person.
    He wouldn't get on a Greyhound bus because he was allergic to dogs.
    Skylight leaks a little.
    Slinky's kinked.
    So dumb he couldn't teach a hen to cluck.
    So dumb, he couldn't pass a blood test.
    Some people are a few cards short of full deck, he's missing several suits.
    Somebody blew out his pilot light.
    Surfing in Nebraska.
    The cheese slid off his cracker.
    The closest he'll get to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
    The gate is open but the beast is asleep.
    The lights are on but nobody's home.
    The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
    There is a page or two missing from his book.
    There is more intelligent life in a box of dirt.
    They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade.
    Thick as pigs**t and about half as interesting.
    Thick as two short planks.
    Too much yardage between the goal posts.
    Two bits and a nibble short of a byte.
    Two brain cells short of a pair.
    Two bricks shy of a load.
    Two drumsticks short of a picnic.
    Two pickles short of a quart.
    Two sandwiches short of a picnic.
    Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
    When the judge said, 'Order in the court,' he said, 'I'll have five chicken wings and some fried rice.'
    When they handed out brains, he thought they said trains, and missed his.
    When they were giving out chins, he thought they said 'gin' and he ordered a double.
    When they were handing out brains, he was off getting a second helping of mouth.
    Would someone please reach over & turn his 'brightness knob' up?
    He thinks a hot meal is stolen food.
    He thinks Beirut was a famous home run hitter.
    He thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
  2. FTK87

    FTK87 New Member

    Mar 1, 2009
    Chouteau, Oklahoma
    That pretty much sums it up ;)

  3. woolleyworm

    woolleyworm Well-Known Member

    Feb 23, 2009
    SW Fort Worth
    or my fav, he's only 12 eggs short of a dozen !
  4. bcj1755

    bcj1755 New Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    A wretched hive of scum and villiany
    You forgot "Can't find his a** with both hands and a hunting dog."
  5. PharmrJohn

    PharmrJohn New Member

    Jun 15, 2009
    Western Washington
    Oh come all like the current administration. You're just hiding it ;)
  6. henry77

    henry77 New Member

    Jul 8, 2009
    Wiggins, MS
    A true con artist.

    Pix says it all.

    Found his head up his a**!!!!!!!!!!

    Attached Files:

    Last edited: Jul 15, 2009
  7. 45nut

    45nut Well-Known Member

    Jul 19, 2006
    Dallas, TX
    Can't find his a-hole with a flashlight and a search warrant. :D
  8. bcj1755

    bcj1755 New Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    A wretched hive of scum and villiany
    Another one not on the list........He's a DOUCHEBAG!!!!!
  9. Mr. Nameless

    Mr. Nameless New Member

    Feb 21, 2009
    Coast of N.C.
    I put that on my brothers birthday cake just to make him mad:D:D
  10. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    Not any more.

  11. artabr

    artabr New Member

    Mar 3, 2008
    New Iberia, Louisiana
    His mind is on vacation, but his mouth's been working overtime.

  12. His mouth says American, but his birth certificate says Kenyan. :D

    One birth certificate short of legal. :D
  13. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    My thoughts and comments are not printable.....
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