sexist jokes

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Jerryboy, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. Jerryboy

    Jerryboy Well-Known Member

    Mar 8, 2012
    Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -----------------------------------------------------------! --------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    If Men Got Pregnant...
    1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.

    2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

    3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

    4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

    5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

    6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

    7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

    8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

    9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

    10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

    11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

    12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

    13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.

    14. Women would rule the world.
  2. Twicepop

    Twicepop Well-Known Member

    Jan 9, 2012
    NW Ohio
    Another one for the list..

    If a woman says something in the forest, and no man is around to hear it, does it still sound stupid.

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