The Church Bulletin

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Mar 25, 2003
    Western Maryland
    These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
    announced in church services.

    Ø The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
    tonight "Searching for Jesus."

    Ø Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
    things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

    Ø The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

    Ø Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
    someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
    about you.

    Ø Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang " I will not pass this way again," giving
    obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    Ø For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

    Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
    help they can get.

    Ø Jane remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
    Pastor Jack's sermons.

    Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
    sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

    Ø Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    Ø A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
    will follow.

    Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    Ø Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    Ø Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
    person you want remembered.

    Ø The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
    gracious hostility.

    Ø Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    Ø The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
    be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    Ø This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
    from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    Ø Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
    are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    Ø The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
    lend him their electric girdles for the pa! ncake breakfast next Sunday.

    Ø Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    Ø The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
    basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

    Ø Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Always get a chuckle out of these.

    Sounds very much like some I've seen over the last sixty plus years!!

  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
  4. inplanotx

    inplanotx Active Member

    Jan 28, 2002
  5. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

    Aug 11, 2005
    Central Texas Gulf Coast
  6. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

    Mar 5, 2006
    Deep South Mississippi
  7. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    "A silent memorial for (name) will be held in the Fellowship Hall, Saturday, 10 am. Mayor Jones will speak."


  8. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

    Aug 27, 2005
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    :D Wished I hadn't missed the bean supper & potluck dinner :D !
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