The Lark Program

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by satellite66, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. satellite66

    satellite66 New Member

    Oct 6, 2004
    Central NJ
    If it works well they could expand it to all the liberal favorites. Rapists, pedophiles and death row inmates.


    A Lady from Boston wrote a lot of letters to the
    White House complaining about the treatment of a
    captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
    Guantanamo Bay & demanding an answer. She finally
    received back the following reply:

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen,
    Thank you for your recent letter roundly
    criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al
    Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
    Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters
    seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear
    here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn
    that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
    yourself, we are creating a new division of the
    Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
    "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
    program, or LARK for short.

    In accordance with the guidelines of this new L.A.R.K.
    program, we have decided to place one terrorist under
    your personal care. Your personal detainee has been
    selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily
    armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed
    Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
    cared for pursuant to the standards you personally
    demanded in your letter of complaint.
    It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
    assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections
    to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are
    commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in
    your letter.
    Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
    hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his
    "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these
    character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing
    these problems as mere cultural differences. We
    understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
    hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with
    such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We
    advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
    skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at
    making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
    household products, so you may wish to keep those items
    locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend
    Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your
    daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a
    subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
    sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
    violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with
    the new dress code that he will recommend as more
    appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy
    the anonymity offered by the burkha over time.

    Just remember that it is all part of "respecting
    his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't
    that how you put it? Thanks again for your
    letters. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
    keep us informed of the proper way to do our job.
    You take good care of Ahmed - and remember ...
    we'll be watching.

    P.S. Senator Harry Reid & Congresswoman Nancy
    Pelosi have just informed us that it is breaking
    the law to watch you sooo ---
    Good luck!

    Cordially, your friend,

    Don Rumsfeld
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Sure would help to alleviate our liberal mental disorder problems !!!!:D :D

  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
  4. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

    Aug 27, 2005
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    Put it on the ballot...I'll vote for it! ;)
  5. geezler

    geezler New Member

    Jan 7, 2005
    Hope you don't mind but i am going to copy this. :D
  6. inplanotx

    inplanotx Active Member

    Jan 28, 2002
  7. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    Lessee, which would be more difficult to spot as a poential danger to the community?

    1. Liberal, non-thinking, feel-goodly matron.

    2. Turbaned, armed, shifty-eyed, arab with packages taped to his belly.

    3. It doesn't matter, since number 1 is no longer with us.


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