The truth about lawyers...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by 1952Sniper, Mar 6, 2003.

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  1. 1952Sniper

    1952Sniper New Member

    Aug 22, 2002
    Posts: 48
    (1/18/03 4:25:41 am)
    Reply The truth about lawyers...
    With the news that some ambulance-chasing shyster has convinced the families of two of the Washington area sniper victims to sue Bushmaster, it is high time for some lawyer jokes.

    Q. How can you tell the difference between a skunk dead in the road and a lawyer dead in the road?
    A. There will be skid marks in front of the skunk.

    Q. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
    A. One is a bottom dwelling garbage eater. The other has gills and fins.

    Q. What is the difference between lawyers and buffalo?
    A. One we shot from trains. The other we should have.

    Q. What happens when you cross a rat with a lawyer?
    A. Nothing. There are some things a rat wont do.

    Picture this scenario. You are walking across a bridge over a wide, deep river. In the middle of the bridge you hear shouting from the water. You dash to the side and look down to see a lawyer and an IRS agent is the water. Both are drowning and in an instant you realize you can save only one of them. What are you going to do:
    1) Go to lunch.
    2) Go to a movie.

    A lion in the London zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, That's a docile old thing isn't it?
    No way, said the keeper, its the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a lawyer into the cage and completely devoured him.
    Hardly seems possible, said the astonished visitor, Why is it lying there licking its arse?
    The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.

    A lawyer walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender looked up and noticed what looked like a frog growing out of the side of the side of the lawyer?s head. The bartender looked at the lawyer and said Oh, my goodness -- how did such an awful thing happen?
    Before the lawyer could say anything, the frog spoke up and said, Well, it started off as a small growth on my butt and it grew into this awful thing.

    A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, Lawyers are horses? asses. Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: Mister, you?d best watch what you say. You?re in horse country.

    If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer?s.

    Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
    R. You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 684
    (1/18/03 9:21:00 am)
    Reply Re: The truth about lawyers...
    Those are good ones...appreciate the post. I got one for you...

    An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden,but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him,was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described hispredicament.

    Dear Bubba,
    I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
    Love Dad

    A few days later he received a letter from his son.

    Dear Dad
    For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I Buried the BODIES. Love Bubba

    At 4A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

    Dear Dad
    Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It"s the best I could do under the circumstances Love Bubba.

    Wyoming Swede

    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 87
    (1/18/03 9:27:02 am)
    Reply Re: The truth about lawyers...
    Why do we have lawyers and attorneys ?
    Is there a difference ?
    What is up with that ?
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