Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays

Discussion in 'VMBB General Discussion' started by inplanotx, Mar 8, 2003.

  1. inplanotx

    inplanotx Active Member

    Jan 28, 2002
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 571
    (12/15/02 2:11:41 pm)
    Reply Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Not sure whether any of you have seen this but I thought you might enjoy a little humor .....

    by Craig Wilson (USA Today columnist)

    I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
    frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with
    their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays
    without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a
    list of holiday do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high calorie
    sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks,
    they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
    carrot stick? I don't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something
    you left for Rudolph.

    I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow
    them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?
    Your pants don't fit anymore, anyway!

    1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
    holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you
    see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
    Scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt Scotch. You
    can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it
    has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into
    an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have
    two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
    gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
    mashed potatoes. Fill it with Gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
    whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
    with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
    your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
    people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between Christmas and New
    Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
    the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
    carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
    frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
    near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
    center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave
    them behind. You're not going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
    you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
    three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
    celebratory calories, but avoid it all cost. I mean, have some standards

    10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
    party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
    tips. Start over.

    But hurry! Cookie-less January is just around the corner.

    Six Out!

    *Senior Chief Of Staff*
    Posts: 1517
    (12/15/02 4:51:39 pm)
    Reply Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Gunner, my thoughts exactly---my kind of folks---carrots are really for rabbits and beside that they give me gas!!! Wilborn

    *VMBB Staff*
    Posts: 1308
    (12/15/02 7:33:39 pm)
    Reply Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    H E L L O, there Six!!!!!!

    Liked your post! My sediments exactly, if one wants to eat like some barn yard animal then all the power to them. However, I like that stuff that everyone complains about making them fat.


    Posts: 2520
    (12/16/02 12:18:12 am)

    Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Me Too!


    TFF VMBB Email Tac

    *VMBB Staff*
    Posts: 739
    (12/16/02 2:45:15 pm)

    Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Endeaver to Persevere

    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 390
    (12/16/02 9:13:49 pm)
    Reply Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Those aren't Christmas tips...

    THEY'RE GOSPEL!!!!!!

    Esse Quam Videri

    *VMBB Staff*
    Posts: 506
    (12/16/02 10:28:18 pm)

    Re: Tho Shalt Not Skim Flavor From The Holidays
    Mith - good to see you posting.

    SixTGunr - oh man oh man do I believe those are gospel myself!