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Rons Toys
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 50
(5/25/01 2:35:54 pm)
| Del All Time for funnies-C.R.A.P.
Command Reduction Of Army Personnel (C.R.A.P.)

As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the
force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting
the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army's future.

A program to phase out older soldiers via retirement by the end of the current
fiscal year will be placed in effect. the program will be known as Retire
Active Personnel Early (RAPE).

Employees who are RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek civilian
employment within the Department of the Army. To that end, RAPEd soldiers will
be required to fill out numerous DA Forms (currently in the development, test,
and evaluation stage) detailing their education and experience. This phase does
not guarantee retired soldiers a civil service position; it does, however,
guarantee that the soldier's unique capabilities will be considered before being
bypassed in the hiring process. This phase of CRAP is known as Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Warriors (SCREW).

Soldiers who have been RAPEd and SCREWed may request review of their situation
by higher authority. This is the Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination (SHAFT) phase.

CRAP policy dictates that a soldier may be RAPEd once, SCREWed twice, but may be
SHAFTed as many times as the Army leadership deems appropriate.

If a soldier follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get
Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance (HERPES). As HERPES is
considered a benefit payment, any soldier who gets HERPES will no longer be
RAPEd or SCREWed by the Army.

The Army leadership wishes to assure younger soldiers who remain on active duty
that the Army will continue its policy of ensuring that soldiers are well
trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT) program. The Army
takes pride in the amount of SHIT our soldiers receive and can boast that it
gives its soldiers more SHIT than any other service.

If a soldier feels he or she does not get enough SHIT, see your commander. Your
commander is especially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can

Posts: 648
(5/25/01 5:19:03 pm)
| Del Re: Time for funnies-C.R.A.P.
Just as good every time I read it Ron.
...and two hard boiled eggs.

Senior Chief Moderator III
Posts: 22
(5/25/01 6:24:14 pm)
| Del Re: Time for funnies-C.R.A.P.
Ron...good one! I would like to post this on the MP BB!
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