Unfortunate Headlines . . .

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by mrkirker, May 26, 2009.

  1. mrkirker

    mrkirker New Member

    Jul 13, 2007
    Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

    Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One :mad:

    Eye Drops Off Shelf

    Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax :eek:

    Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Indicates :confused:

    Miners Refuse to Work After Death

    Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link :eek:

    Stolen Painting Found by Tree

    Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures :rolleyes:

    New Study for Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

    Red Tape Holding Up Bridges :eek:

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

    Include Your Children When Baking Cookies :eek:

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers :D

    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

    Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over :eek::eek::eek:

    British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands ;)

    Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

    Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead :eek::D

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    War Dims Hope for Peace :eek:

    If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

    Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide :confused:

    Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge :confused:

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space :eek::D

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks ;)

    Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  2. USMCSpeedy

    USMCSpeedy Member

    Jan 22, 2009
    VERY FUNNY :):):):):) And to think, the people who wrote these most likely went to school for journalism, AND PASSED.

  3. 4EvrLearning

    4EvrLearning New Member

    Feb 27, 2009
    Left Coast
    rofl @ these!!! I now have a serious case of the giggles.......

    Here are some "bloopers" from church bulletins (with my favorites in bold type)

    The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people
    who are not afflicted with any church.

    Evening Massage - 6 PM

    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
    Please use the back door.

    Ushers will eat latecomers.

    For those of you have have children and don't know it, we have a
    nursery downstairs.

    This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay
    an egg on the altar.

    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
    may be seen in the church basement Friday.

    Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

    Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing
    for the girth of their first child.

    The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
    green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
    slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the
    church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

    Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
    Last edited: May 26, 2009
  4. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Jul 30, 2008
    Minnesota Gal!
  5. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

    Aug 22, 2006
    South Central Texas
  6. Tony22-250

    Tony22-250 New Member

    Jan 9, 2009
    Snellville, GA
  7. LurpyGeek

    LurpyGeek Active Member

    Nov 30, 2005
    Jay Leno used to do a "Headlines" segment on his Monday show. I saved the ones that amused me for a long time and I have hundreds of them. They would take me a long time to post, but maybe if I find some time I'll throw a few on here.

    One of my favorites was from right here in Utah. It was supposed to be an announcement telling kids to get ready for Santa's arrival at the mall, but instead it read...

  8. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    We moved to San Diego when the factory here closed in 78.The very first newspaper I saw in San diego had a picture of the mayor flanked by two young ladies. The caption said:

    "Miss So-and-So, one of the first of two to receive this award..."

    The quality of the paper went down hill from there.

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