WISDOM OF PHYLLIS DILLER

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by rooter, Nov 14, 2017 at 3:52 AM.

  1. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff* Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    19,150
    Location:
    Glendale Arizona
    She was sure a hoot!

    As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

    -Phyllis Diller

    Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

    -Phyllis Diller

    Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

    -Phyllis Diller

    The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

    -Phyllis Diller


    Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

    -Phyllis Diller

    A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

    -Phyllis Diller

    I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

    -Phyllis Diller

    Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

    -Phyllis Diller

    Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

    -Phyllis Diller

    We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

    -Phyllis Diller

    Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

    -Phyllis Diller

    What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

    -Phyllis Diller

    The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

    -Phyllis Diller

    His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

    -Phyllis Diller

    Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

    -Phyllis Diller

    My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.

    -Phyllis Diller


    Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

    -Phyllis Diller

    I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

    -Phyllis Diller


    The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

    -Phyllis Diller

    You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

    -Phyllis Diller
     
  2. flintlock

    flintlock Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
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    1,572
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    There was a very funny lady.
     
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  3. One Shot

    One Shot Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    3,936
    Location:
    Colorado
    My favorite from her was about housekeeping.

    She said she was sick of people bragging about how their house was so clean you could eat off the floor.

    Then with her "look" she said "well you can eat off my floor too. There's a hotdog, there's a hamburger " while pointing to spots on the floor.

    She was funny but kinda hard on the eyes.
     
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