Your girlfriend is ugly when... (1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure. (2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog. (3) Even mosquitoes stay away from her. (4) She startles the animals at the zoo. (5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone. (6) She makes onions cry. (7) Her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds. (8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock. (9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail. (10) When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.